It's been an emotional couple of days. I have been struggling to find a job for an entire year, trying to figure out my next step, wondering if I will ever find love, and hoping I will eventually find my way. We all get lost, but I'm wondering when I will be found. All my life people asked me how I am, and I have always said I'm great, but I am tired of beating around the bush. I am sad because I can't find a job, I am getting older and starting to feel a bit more alone, it's hard to find someone to vent to because I have trust issues, and I feel like nobody trusts me because of who I used to be. I know this isn't the happiest blog entry, but sometimes a girl has to say how she feels. This is me being honest, so do not judge.
For the past little while, not sure how long, but a while, I have always wondered if people actually like me. Although I could care less if I only have three friends, I do not like it when people spread stuff about me. If you want to know something about me, ask me, why go around me? I am not a scary person, I won't bite, or yell, so please just ask. I get that I make mistakes but who doesn't? Emotionally I'd say it's been a tough couple of days. But I know I will make it through.
So at a soccer game last night, I felt really conflicted about how I was going to react while watching the guys play. I'm torn between being a lady and being myself, I do not want how I act to be the reason why I should be alone. That is not fair. I know I have some tendencies and can be loud, very open minded, and often talk a bit too much, but it is never to intentionally hurt anyone. I only mean well but I feel my actions are telling people to avoid me, please do not. We are all different but I have been feeling for the longest time that people are just turning their backs on me. I know who my friends are but I am tired of the two faced people that talk and act like they want to be my friend. Do not BS around me. I should not lose friends because of how I act, I do not act worse than others but people think I am messed up because I have changed? There are days I wish I could tell some people off but it won't do anything.
This did not turn out how I wanted it to but oh well.
Maybe when I am a bit more awake I will know what I really meant to say. This is my personal blog which I share with people I love and care about. You know who you are. Those that stand by me and know I work hard, please do not turn your backs on me.
Signed:
GyftedArtyst
